Secret

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
Til' all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My god, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don't really like my flow, no, so



Artist : One Republic
Song : Secret
Movie : Sorcerer's Apprentice

inspiration

inspirasi..
ilham..
cetusan idea..

semuanya membawa maksud yang sama..
tetapi dari manakah semuanya bermula..

kita sering kali mengembara..
dengan alasan mencari sumber inspirasi..
kita bermeditasi..
dengan alasan mencari inspirasi,,
kita juga sering melakukan pelbagai perkara..
mencari sebuah inspirasi..

namun, apakah sumber inspirasi yag sebenarnya..
ada yang mengatakan cinta..
ada yang mengatakan gelak tawa..
dan ada yang mengatakan sedih berduka..

jika ianya cinta...
adakah kepada manusia ataupun kepada Maha Pencipta..

jika ianya gelak tawa..
adakah keseorangan atau ketika berteman..

jika ianya sedih berduka...
adakah sedih kehilangan atau ditinggalkan..

inspirasi turut hadir
tatkala sinar purnama menerangi langit yang suram..
tatkala sinar bintang bergemelipan di malam terang..
tatkala tiupan angin mendodoi mata..

jadi apakah sebenarnya sebuah inspirasi..
dari mana ia datang
dan
ke mana akan ia pulang?




*apakah ini?*

stupidity...

i was browsing around when i saw a couple of words that made me think..
(not a couple actually..its quite a lot)

people where furious..
when they saw people complaining around on simple matter..
when people are very open in giving out their voices in matters that they should not involved with..
when people trying to show other's mistake to the public..

but even more funnier..
when they unconsciously,
doing the same damn thing..

when this kind of thing happens...
it really show how selfish human being are..
we only care about matters that have connection to us..

when our family are being bothered..we stand up and fight..
when our pride are being pick on..we fight to the death...
when our views and opinions are being judge.. we rushes to the front line..

but then...
when we saw weak people are being pick on..we sit back and watch..
when other's pride are being torn apart...we just look and sigh..
when other's word are crushed upon..we just turn around and smile..

if each and every one of us do the same thing..
i wonder..
how long will this world existence remain before it is destroyed by mankind??

when will our selfishness crush ourselves??
when will it crush the things that we care the most?

when its time then we will realize it is already too late...
it is also too late for us to regret..

wishes

as we grow up..people ask us..
what do we want to be when we grow up?

as a small innocent child,we answer..
i want to be an artist..

as an a little educated teenager, we answer..
i want to be a doctor..

as an egoistic little man,we answer..
i want to be a billionaire..

do we ever think,just for a glimpse..
i want to be a human..
i want to be a better person..
i want to save the world...

each and every day..
our senses are blinded by lust and ego..

we become materialistic,egoistic and selfish..
what we only care about is ourselves...

every day..
every minute..
every seconds..
new disaster is created..

hunger..
war..
diseases..

we forgot those who suffer from it..
we tend to ignore even if we know...

but when we realize the truth..
on what happening..
then we see, life is not easy as it seems...

when we suffered enough..
we think of an easy way out..
we think of dying..
in trying,we realize..
it is the same as living..

we lose hope,
we gave up..
and yet we forget..
of those who suffered more than us..
and still trying..to live..


we always wish the best for ourselves..
but do we ever did it for others?
even once?

provocation..

you keep asking me..

who is the one that i like...

i really wish i have the strength to say your name...

but fear and hesitation holds me back..

i rather to hide it inside..

i rather keep it away from you..

i don't want awkwardness to build between us..

i don't want to be rejected...

i don't want to be away from you...

i rather to be tortured inside..

rather than losing you..

but i already promise to tell you the name of the person that i like after we finish the foundation...

(fa'ah nyer keja la nie.. =.=')

for the time being..

let me gather all my strength..

so i can say it in front of you..

when the times come...

as time pass by...

every day...
every hour..
every minute..
and every second..

every time i saw her..
this lumberjack inside me keep growing bigger and bigger..
as it is trying to crush my heart..
finding a way out..

how i love to see her smile..
and how i hate to see her tears..

if..
i;m the right one for her..
i'll stand and fight..

and

if..
i'm not the one for her...
i'll turn away and give up..

if she's happy without me..
i'll disappear..
like she never knew me..

if she like me to stay by her side..
i'll never leave..
even for a second that pass by..

falling more for her...

tadi ikut die pegi mkn..

the way she talks..
the way she walks..
the way she smiles..
she made me fall in love with her even more...
although i'm trying to hide those feelings and hoping eventually it'll go away..

she said "faiz,blanje i ^.^'
i said "okey"..
i almost able to say "for you..i'll do anything"
but still...
i lost the confidence..
and those words vanish...
into nothingness...

why everytime i saw her, this feeling grew stronger..
the lumberjack inside me is getting bigger and bigger..
i fall for the way she behave...
for her smile..
for her laughter..

i scare if i tell her about my feelings..
things between us would change..
i don't want to regret losing her..
even as a friend..
i don't want awkwardness to be created between us..
so i rather hide this feeling away..
from her...

......

she ask me again..
who do i'm falling for??
 this time we were walking together for class..

i really wish that i had said her name
but still i hesitate and said "you'll know someday"..

damn.. there goes my chance...

despair...

you : who hurt your feeling??
me : no one..it's just i'm falling for someone..it is a matter of heart and feelings..


you : who's that girl?? tell me ^^
me : someone la..


you : from where?
me : here..same as us...


you : class? not me la for sure kan.. hahaha
me : nevermind..you'll know someday..(i hope i brave enough to tell you someday but why cant you see the hint i left for you or you just pretend you don't see it?)


you : tell me la ^^.. i can help you try tackle her.. haha
me : *speechless*..nevermind la..you'll know someday...




i really hope that i say to you that it is you i'm falling for..
can you really help me tackle yourself??
i wonder...

but thinking all the things you had said in our conversation..
i don't think that i really have a chance..
maybe its better if i gave up..
maybe its better i just let this feeling rot inside.
i don't want to keep hoping on something impossible..
should i give up on trying?

unease

did i do something wrong??
why did i fell ma is hating me for it?
what did i do?

if i really did something wrong i hope u forgive me ma..
cause im really sorry if i ever broke you heart..
again and again and again..

forgive me ma...

smiles..tag by faah

hurmmm..faah...
u made me think..
i wonder..
when was the last time i smile sincerely??
even i can't remember myself smiling..

*thinking*
*keep on thinking*
*still thinking*


......................................









............................................






i give up..

i cant remember.. =.='

so aq mengecualikan diri aq dari tag ko faah.. ^^

hahaha...

say *cheese*

tpi faah aq xnak wat ko tacink lagi ngan aq..

so aq ltk la 1..

ni je la kowt gmbar yg aq jumpe aq smiling..

place : my beloved school,bilik kauseling

time : end of year 2008

description : my teacher here is leaving school to further her study

and she is really close to me ^^


*haish..nak tag org gak tpi spe la yg bace blog aq nie?? =.='*

for You....

if you want to fly..i'll be your wings..
if you want to run..i'll be your shoes..
if you want to see the stars..i'll catch and bring them to you..
if you want to eat anything...i'll make it for you..


wherever you want to go.. i'll take you there..
i'll will always follow..no matter what happen..


and if you want soar...
just fly up high..
don't afraid of trying..
because wherever you fall..
i will always be there to catch..
i will never let a single scratch on you..


from afar..
i'll guide you..
i'll protect you..
and i'll love you..


i'll be your fireman..
i'll be your doctor..
i'll be your protector..
and i'll be your anything..


anything for you..
even if you never ask me to.
even if you never know...


its because..
I LOVE YOU..

disappointment.

i cant express my feeling..
im just disappointed..
and thats it..

answers..

please please please...
i need answers..

why im changing...
why im bothering about things i never give a damn about befor..
why must now??

is it something to do deep inside??
does it got something to do with my little lumberjack inside??

why the lumberjack start to get bigger?
do i really need to bother about this??
do i need to express my feeling?
as honest as i can???


ANSWERS PLEASE...
ANSWERS..
THATS ALL IM ASKING FOR. =.='

the truth..

my mouth may deny it..
i may be faking it..
and i maybe saying that i was fooling around..

But the truth is..
i really did fall for her..
i really fall for her..
i really hope she would be mine..

i may tell the whole world that i'm fooling around.
i may tell it was someone else idea..

but i know..
deep inside me..
i really had those feelings for her..

but i never had the courage to say it out loud..
i never brave enough to say it to her..
i never bold enough to tell it to the whole world...

maybe..
my experience is letting me down..
maybe my fear is forbidding me to..
maybe my disappointment is holding me back..

will i able to do it??


p/s : fa'ah, if you are reading this...keep your mouth shut.. or else o.0'

in the end...

i may deny it every single day..
but the truth is..
everytime i look at you,
everytime i hear you,
my heart melts..

i feel like i was looking at an angel..
eventhough i may not know this..
but i hope someday you will...
i hope someday you will know my true feelings..

each single day i'm hoping to tell you this..
but i just can't...

i'm not a selfish type of person..
and i will not betray my friends..

so i'll just keep this feeling hiden..
deep inside me..
where nobody will find out about it..

i will throw it to the darkest corner of my heart..
and may it rot there..

but if somehow,someday,
i hope that feeling can shines,
once again..

life

life started as a plain empty sheet,

we decorates it ourself,

creating our own design and perspective,

as it changes into a colourful sheet..

life begins at 40..

life is tough..

life is unfair...

thats what people said..

but to me..

life is a mystery..

everyday is a new things..

and everyday i'll add on new colour

on my little plain sheet

as the days goes by..

as the days goes by
i realize..
there's something changing inside me...
i realize i'm a new every coming..
i realize the differences inside..

sometimes i love..
and sometimes i just hate..

things are never the same each single..
will i be like this every single oncoming days?
will i be the river which flow in it different water each single day?
will i be the the wind which always flowing without a destination?
or
will i be the Earth which orbits at the same axis every single day?

may god guide me..
let me have the best for my life..

reverted

its been a while but i think i'm retuning to be the old me...

me that always think negatively in life..
me that only see the negative side of everything..
me that is "me'...

i dont know why i feel like this again..
i dont want to be the old me..
i throw myself away a long time ago..

arghh..
please let me stay as the way i am right now..
i like it this way..

i dont want to be alone again..
i dont want to live in isolation again..
i dont want to return back to the darkness...

missing u

~~I MISS THE GOOD OLD TIMES~~

Challenge

jgn sesekali cbar aq..
aq rilex je..
cool je..
tpi kalo lu dah bikin wa panas.. lu jage2...
hati wa mmg hati kace tpi kalo lu pecahkan..
LU YG SAKIT

Aging..

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to norfaiz,
Happy birthday to me,

owh im legal now...

well me,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY... <3